C'est la Mort

love is a crazy thing that can throw even the most sane people over the edge. when im with him i feel like im gonna strangle him half the time out of pure frustration. he irritates the shit out of me. like the kid knows better than anyone how to piss me off. but when i think of my life without him, my stomach twists and vision becomes foggy. i feel as if my heart is being ripped from my chest. sounds a little dramatic when i put it like that but thats really how it feels. ive never wanted to push someone away and then hold them close and never let go at the same time. my biggest fear is losing him and then realizing he was the one. you know, like my soul mate. i dont know if i believe in that kind of stuff but i mean what happens if we do break up and i realize he was the best i ever had and then its too late? there are things about him that drive me insane but then there are so many other things about him that make him the best boyfriend in the world. like the fact that i know one hundred percent that he would never ever cheat on me. i cant imagine being in a relationship where you are constantly worried if your boyfriend is unfaithful. i never doubt his love for me. i know he would do anything for me. high school relationships are the most confusing. people always told me that relationships in high school werent real and that girls may say theyre in love but they have no idea what love is. they were wrong about that one. ive spent over 2 years now with alex and i dont know how any two people could be more in love. what makes high school relationships the most complicated is the time restraint. its the fact that after you graduate, your life truely begins. im leaving for college in less then a month and hes staying here for community college. i guess only time will tell but its the scariest thing thinking of my unknown future. to think of the possibility of my life without him in it. and right now that doesnt seem like a life at all..